In January, I asked Botnik to provide the median New Year’s resolutions by uploading twenty of the top articles for “new year’s resolutions” and allowing the system to generate predictive-text advice.
That advice was so classically helpful, I figured we could all use the same help deciding how to spoil our loved ones this Valentine’s Day.
I uploaded the text of the top 20 Google search results for “best valentine’s day ideas” to Botnik. Here’s what it recommends.
Best Valentine’s Therapy
“Here’s what you can enjoy with your cheesy selves” this Valentine’s Day, says Botnik.
Sing at your favorite people.
Whoever your favorite people are, find them and sing at them.
“Singing classic music can really take a moment to the opera,” says Botnik. “Don’t romantic for all night, or you could probably order dessert.”
Volunteer the weekend to spend time thinking of flowers.
Volunteering is a great way to spread the love, and what’s more traditional on Valentine’s Day than flowers? If springing for a bouquet of roses is outside your budget, consider changing up your approach this year by volunteering to think of flowers instead of actually buying them.
When you volunteer, Botnik recommends couples “get stuck dancing together. Forever is definitely around the corner, but only with beer samples.”
Recreate a local nonprofit but with chocolate.
As part of your Valentine’s volunteering, consider recreating a local nonprofit in the most romantic and popular of all Valentine’s Day foods: chocolate!
“Chocolate tasting adventures are guaranteed to make Valentine’s exciting,” says Botnik. “Nonprofts everywhere tend to get stuck without cliches.”
Have affordable sex.
Sex is a great way to increase your intimacy on the most romantic holiday of the year, but blowing your budget on one night of fun will leave you feeling strung out the rest of the year.
Instead, says Botnik, “save on pricey service fees with some blissful thing. Planned outings are sure to make up for your significant confusion.”
Find tickets for two at your local waterkeeper.
Most people associate trips to the local waterkeeper with Arbor Day festivities. Surprisingly, Valentine’s Day is a great time to switch up your routine and buy tickets from this beloved hometown institution.
“Your waterkeeper will fall for your partner every year, so you can enjoy some dueling without their personality introducing fees,” says Botnik. “Don’t forget to try the salsa.”
Give some homemade spaghetti to a deluxe man.
If you’re short on cash, love to cook, or both, don’t overlook the romantic value of a home-cooked meal. However, it’s important to share that meal with the right person. Only a deluxe man (or woman) deserves your work on this special day.
“A deluxe man, with creative wine and tapas, skewers online copies of your ex,” says Botnik.
Challenge yourselves to celebrate your strong plans.
Your plans with your loved one, whatever they may be, are strong – so strong, in fact, that it can be tough to tame them. Remember that it’s important to celebrate your strong plans, even as you’re attempting to rope them into submission on the old prairie.
If you’re concerned that your plans are too strong, says Botnik, “tarot cards are likely to celebrate your chemistry.”
Show your first love that they are meant to eat your entree.
Remember that first person on whom you had a total crush? This Valentine’s Day, enjoy a “blast from the past” by finding this person and showing them that they are totally meant to eat your entree.
Naturally, some people are hesitant to call up their first love. But Botnik says not to worry: “Your first love letters definitely deserve plenty of time to think. Cook your inner wishlist and reminisce about ghosts.”
Reread ideas for couples while watching crappy movies alone.
Expecting to be alone this Valentine’s Day? You don’t have to spend the day in a fulfilling activity or relationship with yourself. Instead, reread lists of ideas that only work for couples on February 14, while you watch the worst movies you can find.
“Bad treats are meant for singles to eat,” says Botnik. “I like your favorite people when they adore neither of these.”
Visit your spouse at another burlesque show.
If staying at home just isn’t for you, take matters into your own hands this Valentine’s Day by surprising your spouse at whatever burlesque show they decided to attend instead of spending the night with you.
“Sexy prizes for couples are always ready,” says Botnik, cautioning that not all couples will benefit from this risky idea: “You have to start with creative holiday cake.”