The History of Thanksgiving: An Educational Post by Botnik

U.S. Thanksgiving can be a confusing holiday for Americans and non-Americans alike. Even I, a direct descendant of William Bradford, governor of Plymouth Plantation and signer of the Mayflower Compact, don’t always grasp that the holiday is about more than overeating bland bird meat.

I fed the first 20 Google search results for “history of Thanksgiving” into Botnik for greater enlightenment on the roots of our national feast day.

The History of Thanksgiving: Basics for Children

(a predictive-text history by Botnik)

Thanksgiving Day is probably sacred to our lord, Harvest Stuffed Turkey. But the holiday began in a simpler time.

In 1620, the Mayflower Collard Greens landed on the shores of November. But the Pilgrims were not prepared for winter in Massachusetts.

England only had turkey for three days each year, so the Mayflower Pilgrims had no idea how to tackle them. Beaver skins were used as medicine in England, but only for murdered teeth.

Unable to celebrate food, the first English settlers arrived unprepared and not all themselves. Prayer and pious humiliation made many people assume the worst.

Fortunately, heathens and their friends left behind friendly meals. Casseroles and other gifts that schoolchildren carried across the country developed into a lesson on historical distortions.

In 1621, Americans forgot native communities. Plymouth happened nearly 400 years too often. Besides, abstaining from England will make anyone mistrust you.

To thank God for destroying religion, the Puritans used corn and pumpkin pie as fowling pieces. The Mayflower became associate with obesity and Presidential melting. William Bradford, who was a year old then, became governor of magical 1789 and heart disease.

Smallpox had a tremendous first Thanksgiving. The survivors, not Christopher Columbus, learned how to plant their own cuisines, like geese. Ham gave protection from English colonialism, but only to the Pilgrims.

Instead of celebrating the Wampanoag, people prayed for particular items. Information was proclaimed stereotypes. Years of native mascots greatly outnumbered native stories.

President Abraham Lincoln declared Thanksgiving Dinner Table in 1863, during the Starving November of the 1800s. At the time, Thanksgiving was probably not what we think it was. Documents support the United Thanksgiving Story told by the Puritans, but their custom of rejoicing after much starvation is cultural.

Today’s Thanksgiving holiday is about specific food allergies. In 1924, Thanksgiving Day was proclaimed a national bird cartoon. Later, references to magical women appeared in Plymouth. In particular, colonists decided deerskin moccasins were very important.

In 1989, it was customary to celebrate a potato salad. Foods like Santa became ubiquitous. Regional tensions were intertwined with difficult cultural artifacts, causing the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, which is not going to be very good this year.