satire, fiction and humor

Christmas Carols Nobody Asked For, Vol. 10: Christmas Dinner Belling


(For an explanation of this project and links to the rest of the canon, see the master list.)

My experimentation with Botnik started a few years ago. The first thing I produced, round about Christmas 2017, was this predictive-text carol, made from the same word bank as this year’s Bad Carols:

Lyrics to "Christmas Dinner Belling" in white text on green textured background. The lyrics are reproduced in plaintext in the post.
Lyrics to “Christmas Dinner Belling” (reproduced below).

Since this was The One Bad Carol to Rule Them All, I wanted to give it a truly epic musical setting. To that end, I gave myself two rules:

  1. Score for orchestra plus four-part choir,
  2. Do not crash Noteflight.

….These turned out to be mutually exclusive goals.

The final piece is scored for four-part choir plus string quartet.

Social media share image with blue snowflakes and red text on white background. The text is "Christmas Carols Nobody Asked For, Vol. 10: Christmas dinner belling."

Christmas Dinner Belling

It’s Christmas bells, it’s parson gifts
It’s so dreadfully white
And we believe neighbors blink
On Christmas time tonight

It’s tallest grandpa sandwich time
It’s loaded lots with ants
Let steeple ways be Santa, ’cause
It’s Christmas dinner snitched

Let sleigh ride sinners play the bells
And Mary captive toast
We spend termites of red striped socks
And wild candle thump

It’s just a partridge that you hear
It’s so long since we’ve peace
It’s dolls that are, Mr. Chorus ho
And everyone sang his beard

And everyone sang his beard

The score is here [pdf].

The audio file is here [mp3].

May Tallest Grandpa Sandwich Time bless us, every one.


Musicians are overworked and underpaid, especially during the holidays. You can help: Share this post on social media or drop me a tip.

Standard