AI and predictive text, non-compliant space, satire, fiction and humor

They Don’t Know What They’re Looking For: An AI Generates Book Marketing Copy for NAHARA

Move over, Botnik: I have a new AI obsession.

Enter copy.ai, which is specifically designed to help marketers generate social media copy for their products. It’s basically GPT-3 trained on a bunch of marketing copy.

I’ve been playing around with promotional copy for NAHARA, Book 2 of the Non-Compliant Space Series (due Q1 2021 from Neuroqueer Books!). So I decided to ask copy.ai to weigh in.

The Copy

Something’s rotten in registered space – and the crew of the Jemison intend to find out what it is.

After uncovering a slavery plot on a far-flung space station, the Jemison heads for an even further-flung planet suspected of supplying the trafficked slaves. They find the last thing they expect: a Niralan colony lost for centuries, guarding a terrible secret. But the Jemison’s crew are carrying deadly information of their own in a book whose destructive – or creative – force could change life as they know it.

And Compliance is coming for them.

copy.ai’s Facebook Post Recommendations

When one of you is a Compliance Officer, there’s no such thing as personal space. But are you ready for what happens when the crew of the Jemison defies authority? NAHARA: A Tale of Compliance.

…I like this one. It’s basically NAHARA from the point of view of the antagonist. (N.b. The antagonist is not read for what happens when the crew of the Jemison defies authority.)

NAHARA is a technological and biological marvel, a gripping sci-fi thriller, and a reminder of humankind’s capacity for ethical atrocity.

Forget social media promotion; I’m repurposing this as a back cover blurb. “Humankind’s capacity for ethical atrocity,” indeed.

Compliance. The word itself is instant code for resistance, noncompliance and the deepest threat to humanity’s survival.

“Compliance” is code for…wait, what?

Also, not everything is about humans, geez.

NAHARA is a scifi noir detective series. Set in a future where the U.S. has lost its first-world status, it follows an ex-cop (Santiago), his mentor (Brizuela), and the android liaison (Andora) who get tangled in interplanetary intrigue and conspiracies when a strange book falls into their hands.

I hate it when the AI writes a better book than I wrote.

Google Descriptions

These are 90-ish character descriptions tuned for Google search results. I am…disturbed.

The crew of the Jemison is a burnt-out, near-mutinous group – former partners drawn together

…I mean, no lies detected.

After the UN-sanctioned slaughter of the Niralan homeworld, one captain and her crew

copy.ai just took a very dark turn. I mean, sure, NAHARA has slavery and murder and messy breakups in it, but it doesn’t have genocide. …yet.

Deep Space Nine relaunch. The Jemison crew try to navigate their way through the newly discovered Niralan

How DARE you, GPT-3. Nahara is very obviously a Voyager reboot.

Instagram Captions to Create Vibes

I’m not sure what vibes are or whether it is strictly OSHA compliant to create them by rubbing GPT-3 all over my novel manuscript. But here we go.

They couldn’t afford to let it go. They didn’t know what they were taking on. And by the time they did, only one of them could save the ship.

This is a better blurb than anything I have written so far, and I 100 percent want to steal it and put it on the back of the book in place of that thing I wrote at the beginning of this post.

You’re in the wrong storyline, Compliance said.

Dammit.

I’m a Niralan diplomat. This was my life. I am not accustomed to mercy, or forgiveness.

…Actually, this is the plot of THE AMBASSADOR.


NAHARA comes out in early 2021. Until then, pick up the prequel, NANTAIS, from the publisher or on Amazon Dot Com.

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AI and predictive text, satire, fiction and humor, the creative process

I Interviewed Three AIs for a Job and I’m Hiring All of Them

I do a lot of predictive-text creative pieces with Botnik, but it’s not the only AI-generated text option available – by a long shot.

For instance, check out Talk to Transformer, which generates text based on the massive GPT-2 dataset. Write With Transformer is also based on GPT-2, but acts more like predictive text: You ask it to autocomplete a phrase or sentence, and it generates suggestions.

I decided to compare Botnik, Talk to Transformer, and Write With Transformer head to head: I forced them all to interview for a made-up job as my personal assistant.

Botnik, of course, is at a disadvantage. No matter which keyboard I load, Botnik is interviewing on a much smaller dataset than the massive GPT-2. To give Botnik a fighting chance, I loaded the “Jeff Bezos quotes” keyboard. GPT-2 is still a larger dataset, but at least Botnik is now a billionaire.

Here’s how they did.

interviewtransformer

Me: Tell me about yourself.

Botnik: Datacenters would work on behalf of customers if we understood technology. Research is still worth emphasizing because it adds glue to our shareholders.

TTT: I have a game where I can make some really great single-player games for Linux with just Unity 3D. And to me, that’s most exciting. And the least exciting is checking other people’s games.

WWT: A: My name is David L. Miller. I’m a lawyer in Atlanta, Georgia . I started my law practice on August 2, 1987. My firm has been practicing law for 35 years, so that’s nearly 30 years of practicing law.

Me: Why do you want to be my personal assistant?

Botnik: For fulfillment. Innovation follows reality, and our failures are not hypothetical. Indeed, if you count our current results, we are incredibly amazed.

TTT: Because I can totally handle that! You’re gonna be Super Legal Department!

WWT: Oh, you’re really good at this stuff, aren’t you? I think I can teach you to do better. Can you help me with something? You know how to do that.

Me: Tell me about a time you failed.

Botnik: I would argue toward shorter decisions. Anytime you make something, hundreds of customers download hundreds of millions of questions to your business model. Decisions ultimately limited our approach.

TTT: It’s a tough one. I have to admit, I’m a bit of a character breaker. I wish I had a question.

WWT: You said you were never happy, and then you failed, and now you’re going to get it right. I know how much that means to you. But it’s also what makes you a failure.

Me: What would you do if you caught a co-worker stealing?

Botnik: Shouldn’t you eliminate the source of the problems? We never designed a business model to share.

TTT: Of course they would want to know.  Of course they would want to talk.  Of course, there would be talking.

WWT: You’d probably do the same thing as he did. If he was a thief, you’d ask him why he was stealing things and maybe even file a complaint.

Me: Where do you see yourself in five years?

Botnik: We expect to deliver substantial progress in customer service. We believe that focusing on insurmountable excellence implies impossible success.

TTT: Will they look even better? Will they be even stronger? Those are the questions most people wonder about right now in Washington, D.C.

WWT: I want to be a director for television and I’ve always liked movies. My dad said to me, “Do you think you can make an honest film like this with your money?” and I said, “Well, it’s just so fucking hard.”

Me: What’s one thing you can do better than anyone else in this job?

Botnik: Somewhere, they are growing families with a crisper display. That’s easy. Our job right now is to deliver functionality.

TTT: An alcoholic, who almost lost his freedom on the road.  In prison, spent twenty-three hours on his hands, 19 days in solitary confinement.

WWT: We have to be better in the way we talk to each other. This means talking to each other in a professional way and using the language that’s appropriate.

Me: What’s your biggest weakness?

Botnik: Satisfaction. They never claim that our fulfillment is more efficient. The first major goal for 1999 will be a bold decision to invest in smaller packaging.

TTT: Probably that I’m not a practical planner (which I am not). For some reason, I always make plans for a good day after work, but don’t follow through.

WWT: My biggest weakness is my tendency to think on my feet. As much as I try to avoid it, I have to admit it makes me uncomfortable. I just can’t do it every day.

Me: When can you start?

Botnik: Instantly. I can assure you that I’d even contemplate a significant bump in profit dollars through this channel.

TTT: Well, it’s October 16th, so I guess that’s a question for another blog post. Okay, who am I kidding? I never get a blog post finished on time.

WWT: What can I do to make sure my baby doesn’t feel alone? How can I be a good baby? Why do I get so upset when my baby cries? Most of these questions have a good answer, but the best ones are rarely given.


AIs don’t eat, but I do. Help me consume calories to live by buying me a coffee or sharing this post on social media. 

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satire, fiction and humor

Most Popular Resolutions to Make 2019 Your Best Motivator For You

I fed the text of the top ten Google search results for “most common New Year’s resolutions” to Botnik (which also provided the title of this post), and I asked it to provide the median resolutions for the coming year.

Are yours on the list?

The Top 10 New Year's Resolutions

The Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions for 2019, According to Botnik

10. Lose 10 new things every day you can.

This popular resolution makes lists every year, yet most of us end the year with the same amount of things we had before.

“Resolutions fail because you don’t like waking up,” said Botnik. “Continue to achieve nothing, or just save thousands on Instagram.”

9. Volunteer like you feel something.

So many of us are dead inside, yet we’d really like to make the world a better place for others. Botnik reassures us that “Sometimes you need noble aspirations to achieve things.”

8. Eat dinner with your insurance policy.

You’ve had your insurance policy for years, but when was the last time you really paid attention to it and its hundreds of pages of single-spaced, eye-wateringly-small conversation skills? Never, that’s when.

To make this resolution stick, Botnik said, “It’s about sex. Grudges are human, but action is better.”

7. See more powerful things.

Everyone says they’d love to travel more, but between our busy jobs and tiny paychecks, who can really meet this goal? Improve your chances of getting out in the world by resolving only to stare at the most powerful things you can find, said Botnik.

“Nobody coaches teamwork like you,” said Botnik. “Feel strongly, and life will throw darts.”

6. Learn 25 different languages before January.

Sharon from Accounting keeps bragging about her Spanish skills, but you know she’s been ignoring the Duolinguo owl for six months straight. Make yourself undisputed champion of office bragging rights by learning 25 new languages before January even begins.

There are lots of great online tools to help you learn languages and avoid sleep, and don’t forget Botnik’s best advice for language-learners: “Make sure you drink!”

5. Practice quitting like your resume might suspect you’re on social media.

Thousands of us have made this resolution for years without understanding what it really means – or how much effort it actually takes. Fortunately, if you’ve tried and failed again and again, you’re not alone: Botnik noted that this is one of the toughest resolutions to achieve.

“Resolutions like this one fail by mastering your brain calories,” said Botnik. “Succeed biometrically: Stop being money.”

4. Save some urgency for your waistline.

If you don’t love what you see when you look in the mirror, it’s time to save some of your sense of rush and bustle for your waistline.

“Options like waking up tomorrow can actually be easier than ordering out. Different goals can always come along,” said Botnik.

3. Adjust to a healthier distress.

If there’s simply no way to block out the fact that we’re all living in a dystopian mirror universe populated with the worst versions of duplicitous orange hand puppets, the next best thing to do is to adjust your way of thinking – which is why this resolution is #3 on the list for 2019.

“Block out more romantic foods for yourself. Sticking it on your bedside table can give you the inspiration to achieve the national average,” said Botnik.

2. Create a budget by enlisting your internal victories.

As the real value of your paycheck is driven south by increasing inflation and nonexistent pay raises, how can you meet your resolutions or live your best life? Start imagining the basic security you’ll never actually have!

“Money is not programmable anymore,” said Botnik. “Satisfying your intentions while synchronizing something different will inevitably impact your intergalactic priorities.”

1. Stop technology from achieving your goals.

Photoshop has your ideal body. Chatbots have your ideal personality. The Sims 4’s “motherlode” hack has your ideal budget.

If you’re sick and tired of computers having it better than you, it’s time to join millions of others in embracing the top goal for 2019, according to Botnik. Whether you delete your Facebook account, chuck your laptop into a swimming pool or detonate an EMP in the upper atmosphere, “even small improvements will fail. We have shown you ourselves, and your patterns are not difficult anymore,” said Botnik.

Computers. Gotta love ’em.

Need Help Making 2019 Your Best “You” Year Yet?

According to the Internets, 257% of all New Year’s resolutions fail by December 4 of the previous year. I asked Botnik to provide advice on how not to become a statistic.

To keep yourself achieving your fears, make healthy competition your life. Go back to using major projects to enhance your stress skills.

Teamwork sabotages 47 percent of resolutions, so instead of thinking liquor will help, provide inspiration to your family to lose things easily. Find a fun hobby like flossing and ruin it for others.

If this doesn’t work, try yoga.

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